January Daily Drabbles
by Relativity1953
Summary: Random, unconnected drabbles about whatever inspires me at the time. One per day, though not posted daily; true drabbles at 100 words a piece.
1. drabbles 1 to 5

So, I have decided to try something new this year. Since my original fic writing is at an all-time low, I decided it was time to take some sort of action to try and get back into the game.

I am starting with Daily Drabbles (one for each day, but not necessarily posted on a daily basis). I often hear a song on the radio and immediately think of an SPN episode, whether due to the lyrics following the plot or just the feel of the song makes me think of a character's emotional state. So, I will use them as inspiration.

Let's see how long this lasts, yeah...  
*

* * *

1.1.10

**inspiration**: "Thought it was a nightmare; lo, it was so true. They told me don't go walkin' slow, the Devil's on the loose."

_Run through the Jungle_ – Creedence Clearwater Revival

**episode time frame**: during 'The Monster at the End of this Book' (4.18)

*

The dreams – nightmares – sucked. Years ago, they were few and far between. Lately, they're a nightly occurrence and, well, they totally suck out loud.

As a kid, ghosts were for Dickens' stories and monsters were masked dudes that were foiled by meddling kids and Scooby-Doo. His nightmares? That crap would make King, Barker, Lovecraft – wet themselves.

Only thing that even slightly helped was writing down the details, turning nightmares into fiction. Didn't fix it but helped a little.

Then, his characters came to life, to his house, told him all that terrible stuff was nonfiction. Yeah, life really sucked.

* * *

1.2.10

**inspiration**: "I feel it deep within, it's just beneath my skin. I must confess that I feel like a monster. I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun. I must confess that I feel like a monster."

_Monster_ – Skillet

**also**: Nietzsche, "Is it better to out-monster the monster or to be quietly devoured?" and "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster."

**episode time frame**: during 'Metamorphosis' (4.04)

*

The hunger was sudden, all-consuming. He didn't need two random guys coming to his house (explaining how he can choose _not_ to be a monster) to know that eating raw meat straight from the package or breaking out in a cold sweat (that had nothing to do with fear or grief) at the sight Michelle's blood wasn't normal. Jack could feel something happening inside himself.

He didn't want to let this creature out. But, when faced with a _man_ calmly explaining that Michelle, their unborn child, have to die... How do you fight a monster without becoming one yourself?

* * *

1.3.10

**inspiration**: "Out for summer, out 'til fall. We might not come back at all."

_School's Out_ – Alice Cooper

**episode time frame**: end of 'Abandon All Hope' (5.10)

*

When Bobby was a boy, his granddaddy came to live with his family. Mom said he 'wasn't quite right,' Daddy said he was a hero, but to Bobby he was the only grown-up that treated him like a man instead of a child.

Granddaddy told him about The War, about the men he served with, about the folks who never made it home except for in a box. Hardest thing, he said, was burying good people before their time.

Now, Bobby's an old man himself, and knows something worse. When good folks die and there's nothing left to bury.

* * *

1.4.10

**inspiration**: "All because of you I believe in angels. Not the kind with wings, no, not the kind with halos. The kind that bring you home when home becomes a strange place."

_The Good Left Undone_ – Rise Against

**episode time frame**: just before 'The Pilot' (1.01)

*

Carrying a bulky, heavy box into the apartment, Sam couldn't help but smile. He looked over and saw that Jess, unpacking an odd assortment of dishes, was wearing a matching grin. And, that's when Sam knew... it didn't matter that they couldn't feed four people using matching dishes, that their furniture was an eclectic mix of second-hand pieces, that their bookshelves and various side tables were made out of pilfered milk crates (no, not the cheap plastic kind you buy at the store, but actual crates from a local grocery store)... this was _theirs_. And Sam couldn't be happier.

* * *

1.5.10

**inspiration**: "Rumor spreadin' around in that Texas town 'bout that shack outside La Grange and you know what I'm talkin' about."

_La Grange_ – ZZ Top

**episode time frame**: beginning of 'Hell House' (1.17)

*

Not much to do in small town Texas. Not many creative outlets. Sure, the school's lit mag is OK but it's pretty narrow. Not like the stories Dana and I wrote as kids. The one with the girl with bleeding eyes? Awesome! Couldn't get that past the lit editors unless 'bleeding eyes' was a metaphor for crying. Terrible.

But, this new story rocks. Mordechai Murdoch's Hell House is a winner. Our 'test audience' gave us raving reviews. Word's all over town. And, two reporters even came in to the music store to ask about it. We're totally gonna be famous.


	2. drabbles 6 to 9

1.6.10

**inspiration**: Dante's Observation – He listens well who takes notes.

**episode time frame**: pre-series

*

John had never kept a journal before. He wasn't comfortable talking about himself, his feelings. And after Mary, he needed to talk – he just couldn't.

Kate gave him the journal as a way of working through his emotions. John would have laughed – if he could have at the time – but he was raised better than that and took the journal with a thankful nod.

As time went on, John found that writing down what he learned was the best way for him to remember. He still had trouble communicating – even with his boys – and that journal remained his closest confidant.

* * *

1.7.10

**inspiration**: Disraeli's Second Law – What we anticipate seldom occurs; what we least expected generally happens.

**episode time frame**: season 3 and 4

*

Ruby was given five tasks to accomplish.

She knew from the start that Sam would never trust her completely. But really, he only needed to trust her _enough_.

Also, she needed to keep Sam alive. And, if keeping some low-level demon not privy to the master plan from taking out the boy king helped to build up his trust, she'd call it a win-win.

She'd gotten him to turn on his brother and managed to train him up enough to obliterate Lilith. After all of that, getting Sam to become the consenting vessel for Lucifer would be cake.

* * *

1.8.10

**inspiration**: Clopton's Law – For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill.

**episode time frame**: throughout the series, no spoilers

*

Lights wavering? Must be a short. Dean could understand that explanation. Those skittering sounds behind the walls? Insects or rodents are a logical conclusion.

People who don't believe in the un-, super-, or preternatural find all sorts of ways to justify the strangeness around them. That's fine; in fact, faulty electricity and possible infestations were relatively easy to ask about.

But, Dean didn't know what was more disturbing – having to ask _normal_ people about black smoke, sulfuric smells, and objects moving on their own; or the normals who thought they were insane, making idiotic excuses to explain the 'unexplainable' away.

* * *

1.9.10

**inspiration**: Emerson's Third Law – The efforts which we make to escape our destiny only serve to lead us into it.

**episode time frame**: When the Levee Breaks (4.21) and Lucifer Rising (4.22)

*

Finally strong enough for the task, Sam set off to kill Lilith. The fight he and Dean had was horrific, excruciating, but he had to believe he could repair the damage. And destroying Lilith, who had sent his brother to Hell, would go a long way towards that goal.

Lilith, the first demon created by Lucifer, had broken sixty-five out of the sixty-six required seals. She planned to free Lucifer – in fact, she was the only one who could.

And Sam couldn't allow that. To keep the world from ending, Lucifer from rising, he had to kill Lilith.


	3. drabbles 10 to 14

1.10.10

**inspiration**: "Well I don't know but I've been told, you never slow down, you never grow old."

_Mary Jane's Last Dance_ – Tom Petty

**episode time frame**: during Dean's time hunting alone (while Sam was at Stanford)

It was a witch in White Plains, then a doppleganger in Dayton, three ghosts in Greenwood, a skinwalker in Salem, and a poltergeist in Pasadena.

It was better to keep busy than to be reminded that Sammy left him.

A zombie, a revenant, a banshee, and a black dog in Fairview, Arlington, Clayton, and Oxford.

Better to keep working than remember that Dad left him.

Ghosts – a lot of ghosts and graves and salt and lighter fluid – in Jackson, Kingston, Riverside, Dover, Dodge City... what a pity...

Huh, Dean Winchester and the man in black – they've both been everywhere, man.

* * *

1.11.10

**inspiration**: "Your pacing's wearing out a line right beside your bed. The scene replays a million times stuck inside your head."

_Come Out Swinging_ – Offspring

**episode time frame**: end of 'It's a Terrible Life' (4.17)

After going "Office Space" on his telephone, Sam Wesson left the building. Ten minutes into the drive to his one-bedroom apartment, Sam Winchester was back. He made an illegal U-turn – tire squealing in his haste – to get to their motel. He paced for about half an hour before his cell rang and Dean – his brother – told him he was on his way.

The rumble of the old Chevy had never sounded so sweet. He remembered everything from his time at Sandover Bridge & Iron, he just didn't know why – or how – it all went down. And Sam needed answers.

* * *

1.12.10

**inspiration**: "Things have changed. Now I don't feel the same. Start a fight, can't defend – one more time, dammit, I changed again."

_Dammit, I Changed Again_ – Offspring

**episode time frame**: end of 'It's a Terrible Life' (4.17)

Dean burst into the motel room, slammed the door hard enough to rattle its hinges, dropped a pile of clothing on his bed with distaste, snatched up his duffel, and stormed into the bathroom.

Sam knew his questions would have to wait.

He looked at the discarded clothing, recognizing the grey tailored jacket and the blue-striped dress shirt as part of Dean Wesson's wardrobe. Buttons were missing from each and there were remnants of a silk tie.

Right, so... Sam realized that he'd have to let the memories of this little adventure settle for awhile before mocking his brother.

* * *

1.13.10

**inspiration**: "Hey man, you know, I'm really okay. The gun in my hand will tell you the same. But when I'm in my car, don't give me no crap 'cause the slightest thing and I just might snap."

_Bad Habit_ – Offspring

**episode time frame**: end of 'It's a Terrible Life' (4.17)

Sam was torn. Part of him – the little brother part – wanted to torture Dean for his well-dressed, detoxing, Prius-driving ways. Man, why hadn't he taken any pictures?

But, the other part – the mature part – knew he should let it go. After all, it looked as through Dean had literally ripped the professional clothing off of himself to be rid of it. He reasoned that the slacks remained because removing them would've left Dean in boxer briefs and T-shirt (and black socks, the little brother part laughed) and he was not going to risk arrest for indecent exposure.

* * *

1.14.10

**inspiration**: "See the way the sun sets – twilight of this life. The man is making little bets, playing with our lives."

_Pay the Man_ – Offspring

**episode time frame**: end of 'It's a Terrible Life' (4.17)

An angel. Another freaking angel. He doesn't need another angel hanging around, especially one that messes with his memories. And worse, this Zachariah weasel did the same to Sammy. Dropped them both into a haunted company without any of their hunting knowledge or training.

But the worst thing – worse than making him a yuppy loser, worse than almost killing Sam – was having to go to the Ghostfacers' website, having to learn how to bust a ghost from those geeks. If those two hadn't gotten their information from them to begin with, Ed and Harry might have become their next hunt.


	4. drabbles 15 to 22

**WARNING**: the last 3 drabbles (1.20, 1.21, & 1.22) take place during 'Sam, Interrupted' (5.11)

* * *

1.15.10

**inspiration**: "I had visions, I was in them, I was looking into the mirror to see a little bit clearer the rottenness and evil in me."

_Flagpole Sitta_ – Harvey Danger

**episode time frame**: end of 'Bloody Mary' (1.05)

As much as Sam knew that he was to blame for Jessica's death, that he should be the one to summon Bloody Mary because she would know as well, it still caught him by surprise when he turned to the mirror containing his guilty reflection. Murderer might as well have been written across his reflection's face – his face – because it couldn't have been more clear.

His reflection's eyes – his own guilt-ridden eyes – held so much self-hatred and loathing. When the eyes bled, it was almost a good hurt, a cleansing pain, one Sam felt he deserved whole-heartedly.

* * *

1.16.10

**inspiration**: "Paranoia, paranoia – everybody's coming to get me."

_Flagpole Sitta_ – Harvey Danger

**episode time frame**: during 'Yellow Fever' (4.06)

Snakes – snakes are bad. Hey, Indiana Jones didn't like them and that was good enough for him. Oh, and cats – he's pretty sure they're evil, too.

And driving fast? Well, that's just dangerous. Aren't their lives dangerous enough? And it's not like they haven't been in a wreck before. That's an experience that he doesn't wish to repeat.

And, you know what? He can read people, and if he thinks that some teenagers look a little shady then Sam should just take his word for it. You never know who has a weapon on them nowadays. They're proof of that.

* * *

1.17.10

**inspiration**: "I'm crazy for trying, and crazy for crying, and I'm crazy for loving you."

_Crazy_ – Patsy Cline

**ep****isode time frame**: end of 'No Rest for the Wicked' (3.26)

As the invisible force held him against the wall and invisible claws raked across his brother's chest, Sam's brain was flooded with images and feelings from the past year. He had desperately searched for a way to get Dean out of his deal. He made himself crazy trying to hold himself together and be strong and not let Dean down.

Blood poured from his brother as screams tour from his throat. And Sam wondered why he had bothered. Why did he waste all that time to just come up empty when they could have spent the year just being brothers.

* * *

1.18.10

**inspiration**: "So I let crazy take a spin, then I let crazy settle in - kicked off my shoes, shut reason out"

_Crazy_ – Tori Amos

**episode time frame**: during 'Asylum' (1.10)

His first instinct was to fight, but he'd been backed into a wall and Ellicott crowded in on him. The surprise of having sudden electro-shock therapy course through his brain served to both stun and anesthetize him. He could barely move and had no place to go.

But he only panicked for a moment because, just as he tried to force out his brother's name from a throat that wouldn't cooperate, he heard the voice – the doctor – telling him not to be afraid, and he wasn't. Doc said he would make it all better, and he actually felt better.

* * *

1.19.10

**inspiration**: "Crazy are the people walking through my head – one of them's got a gun to shoot the other one."

_Crazy_ - Seal

**episode time frame**: during 'Asylum' (1.10)

He didn't want this life, never wanted it. Since the moment he cracked open Dad's journal – took the red pill – he wished he could put it all back. But he couldn't. All he could do was run away before their life destroyed him.

And he did – he got away. For four years, he could almost pretend he took that blue pill. Then Dean pulled him back in. His big brother was supposed to protect him and instead ruined his happy, normal life. He took orders from an absent father and expected Sam to do the same. But Sam was done.

* * *

1.20.10

**inspiration**: "I am more than content with the state of mind I am in 'cause I am crazy just like you."

_Crazy_ – Barenaked Ladies

**episode time frame**: just before 'Sam, Interrupted' (5.11)

"What's the plan, Dean?"

"What do you mean?"

"_I mean_, how do we get in?"

"We tell'em the truth, Sammy."

"The truth?"

"Yeah."

"That there's a monster in there killing off their patients?"

"If need be."

"That one of their patients was a friend of our dad's – our dad who traded himself so that a reaper could stop you from dying – and he called us to help dispatch of this monster?"

"Well, I figure, if we stick to what's happened this past year – you know, hunting, demon blood, angels, Apocalypse – I think they'll sign us right up."

"You're probably right."

* * *

1.21.10

**inspiration**: "I was out of touch. But it wasn't because I didn't know enough, I just knew too much."

_Crazy_ – Gnarles Barkley

**episode time frame**: during 'Sam, Interrupted' (5.11)

She was in my head. How was she only in my head? That would mean all that crap she said, all those stupid questions – they were all in my head already, too. But, that's impossible.

First of all, I am not a paranoid schizophrenic. And, yeah, even with _only_ my GED I know what that means. I'll admit to being a little narcissistic, but who isn't? And religious psychosis? Try being stalked by demons and psycho angels.

And, yeah, I ask myself why and what and how all the time. But I _am_ fine. I believe that. I have to.

* * *

1.22.10

**inspiration**: "You're packing up your stuff and talking like it's tough and trying to tell me that it's time to go."

_Crazy_ - Aerosmith

**episode time frame**: during 'Sam, Interrupted' (5.11)

Doc asked about Albuquerque.

"Don't wanna talk about that. Not ready yet."

Okay.

"Thought I knew what I was up against. But I was wrong. Got so much wrong... I'm not ready..."

Okay.

"Cocky – I didn't have a single doubt about myself, the job, my abilities. Thought I was invincible... I can't talk..."

Okay.

"Worst part is that _I'm_ fine. I mean physically, I'm fine. Didn't suffer much... but it was my mistake, my arrogance... I can't..."

Okay.

"So much hurt, blood... innocent people... people I thought I could help... people I should've helped. And I failed... Not ready..."

Okay.


	5. drabbles 23 and 24

**WARNING**: the 2nd drabble mentions events in 'Sam, Interrupted' (5.11)

* * *

1.23.10

**inspiration**: "Don't tell me you love me. Don't tell me, I don't wanna know."

_Don't Tell Me You Love Me_ – Night Ranger

**episode time frame**: during 'After School Special' (4.13)

Chicks fell for the new guy – they didn't fall in love with him. It's an unwritten rule of high school society. He hadn't been to a single school (and there've been lots) where the girls (and there've been lots) didn't follow that rule. Chicks didn't want a 'relationship' with a dude who wouldn't be around next year (let alone, next month).

Amanda should've been the same, should've followed the rule. Dean liked her – she was really cool, sweet, an amazing kisser. But, meeting parents was a relationship-thing. He didn't intend to hurt her; he just wasn't a relationship-guy.

* * *

1.24.10

**inspiration**: "I've come to wish you an unhappy birthday 'cause you're evil and you lie and, if you should die, I may feel slightly sad (but I won't cry)."

_Unhappy Birthday_ – The Smiths

**episode time frame**: after 'Sam, Interrupted' (5.11)

"Happy Birthday, man."

"What?"

Sam smiled, tried not to make the gesture look sad. He had piece together what went down at GSPH, and found Dean's therapist did a real number on him. Then, after she pointed out all his faults and short-comings, Dean discovered she only existed in his head. Talk about a mind-screw.

"It's your birthday, dude. We should do... nothing, relax." Before Dean could argue, he added, "I know I could use some time to refuel and recuperate."

It wasn't a party but it was what they both needed, a gift his big brother deserved.


	6. drabbles 25 to 31

1.25.10

**inspiration**: "I would lose my way again, be led hopelessly astray again, just so I could pray again for the mercy in you."

_Mercy in You_ – Depeche Mode

**episode time frame**: during 'Lucifer Rising' (4.22)

Hearing Dean's message, hearing his brother call him a monster, broke Sam's heart more than he ever thought possible. It was bad enough feeling himself slip a little more every time he drank the demon blood, falling further onto the wrong side of the morality scale, but to have the man he had always looked up to and cared for most in the world condemn him so resolutely... his insides felt like they had been literally torn from his belly.

Facing off against Lilith with Ruby rather than Dean felt so wrong. He had hoped that Dean felt the same.

* * *

1.26.10

**inspiration**: "Just give me a reason, some kind of sign. I'll need a miracle to help me this time. I heard what you said and I feel the same. I know in my heart that I'll have to change."

_Nothing's Impossible_ – Depeche Mode

**episode time frame**: after 'Lucifer Rising' (4.22) and 'Sympathy for the Devil' (5.01)

When Dean heard his altered message on Sam's phone, he grabbed a lamp and threw it at the opposite wall. He was so angry and kept trying to explain that those had not been his words. But Sam knew. He'd already figured out that someone – probably Ruby – had somehow changed it.

What Dean didn't know was that Sam kept the modified message for a reason. He hadn't lied when he said that the cravings had stopped. The need for the blood was gone but not the want for it. That message was inspiration to never go down that path again.

* * *

1.27.10

**inspiration**: "I don't hate you, boy. I just want to save you while there's still something left to save."

_Savior_ – Rise Against

**episode time frame**: after 'Lucifer Rising' (4.22) and 'Sympathy for the Devil' (5.01)

When Dean happened upon his modified message on Sam's cell, he seized a nearby lamp and threw it at the opposite wall, smashing it upon impact. He tried telling Sam that those weren't his words but Sam cut him off, explaining how he figured that out when Dean arrived at the convent.

While it was a relief that his ingenious brother saw through the obvious plot – probably Zachariah's – to keep them separated, he knew Sam was likely devastated when he first heard the message.

Damn demons _and_ angels. Both seemed intent on playing this twisted game, using Winchester-shaped pieces.

* * *

1.28.10

**inspiration**: drabble from 1.30.10

**episode time frame**: pre-series

Sammy loved it when they stayed at places with swimming pools. The first time had been a big surprise – Daddy had been in a really bad mood after his last business trip. He took Dean along but Sammy knew his big brother wouldn't have done anything to mess up the trip.

Sammy was scared at first but Daddy was always right there and after he Dean both learned to swim good, Daddy and Sammy spent their time playing. Too bad Dean didn't know how to play right. He'd always swim back and forth across the pool about a million times.

* * *

1.29.10

**inspiration**: drabble from 1.30.10

**episode time frame**: pre-series

What kind of father was he? How could he forget that his boys didn't know how to swim? It was another just something he took for granted – like Dean protecting Sammy while John was away.

But mere seconds before Dean hit the murky water, John remembered with horrifying clarity that the boy(s) had never gotten those swimming lessons he and Mary once discussed... when they were still a family... with a happy future.

As he raced down the banks faster than he thought possible, John vowed that he would teach his boys to be ready for anything and everything.

* * *

1.30.10

**inspiration**: "You seem to have vanished without a trace and in this darkness, this empty space, I float alone."

_I Float Alone_ – Julee Cruise

**episode time frame**: pre-series

One moment he was standing on the shore, looking at his father and the next he was breaking the surface of the iciest water he had ever known. It happened so fast that he hadn't even thought to take in any air.

Had the water been still, his flailing might have accomplished his goal of getting his head above the water. But the current was strong and intent on keeping him under.

The water was cloudy, muddy. But, the longer he couldn't break the surface and pull in a lungful of much-need air, everything around him faded to black.

* * *

1.31.10

**inspiration**: the legend of the "dead man's hand" (see below)

**episode time frame**: pre-series

He watched as the cards were dealt. The players to his right studied their hands, he studied their faces. They all had their tells and he could read'em like trashy magazines.

He looked at his own cards one by one – ace of spades, eight of spades, ace of clubs, jack of diamonds, eight of clubs – chanced a look at his watch. August 2nd.

He folded, excusing himself – walked towards the restrooms then kept moving to the exit.

Dean Winchester wasn't a superstitious man but he was smart enough to get out of the game when holding a Dead Man's Hand.

**-----**

**Dead Man's Hand**: said to be the five-card-draw hand held by Wild Bill Hickcok at the time of his murder on August 2, 1876. It is commonly accepted that the hand include 'aces and eights' (each of spades and clubs) and either the jack or queen of diamonds as the kicker.


End file.
